Day one on this God-forsaken journey. I wake up. It’s a
Sunday morning. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. I try to stretch,
but I’m sore and stiff from boxing and my massage the previous day. I think I’ll
take a scalding hot shower to loosen up my muscles and do a little bit of yoga.
Mmm, Sunday mornings. Sundays mean sleeping in, football, and a nice,
delicious, ridiculously filling breakfast. But not today. Not this Sunday. This
Sunday means waking up, heating up some water, adding in some lemon and apple
cider vinegar, and drinking that down in preparation for “breakfast.”
Breakfast. I’m dreading it, dreading it because the term is
used so loosely here. Today, breakfast will mean a bottle of the color green,
called Glow. Today, breakfast is liquefied apples, celery, cucumber, kale,
collards, spinach, and mint tea. Today, breakfast is sad.
I have a hard time starting the day and being productive,
because it doesn’t feel like a day can start without having eaten anything. The
drink itself isn’t bad. When I open the bottle, I instantly smell the cucumber
and celery. The taste isn’t bad at all. I really do like all of the things in
the drink. Let me clarify, I like EATING all of the things in the drinks. Minus
collards. I’ve never tried collards. I don’t understand the benefit of juicing
over just eating all of these things. I do understand the magical balance of
ingredients that companies claim to have come across in making juices like
this, but I’d feel so much more full and satisfied if they’d just let me eat
the cucumber instead of drinking it!
Chewing. Masticating. Gnashing. Nom-ing. Oh, how I miss you!
I know that this is a trick of my mind. I know that it’s just a motion, the
habit, that I miss. Knowing this doesn’t help.
I know I need to clean today, but I don’t want to. I know that
I’ll be hungry. I know that I have to clean the kitchen. That magical room that
holds all the food. I don’t want to. Food, food, all around, but not a bite to
eat. I start cleaning though, slowly. Hanna helps me move the table and the
shoes so that I can vacuum. I’m so hungry. I already finished “breakfast.” Dare
I start on my mid-morning “snack” so soon after? Yes. Yes, I dare. I start to
feel a little better as I drink down Fuel, an orange mixture of carrot, apple,
pineapple, orange, lemon, and turmeric. This is actually delicious. This would
taste amazing paired with scrambled eggs and toast.
As Hanna and I move things back, we start bemoaning our
choices, and I may point out that we have no one to blame but each other, and
that, really, Hanna’s the one that found this program…soooooo….
But no, this is good. I’m going to feel so great! So
healthy! My body is going to love me! Someday…someday…
I start vacuuming the rest of the living room. I stand back.
My head is a little dizzy from the lack of food. My jaw feels locked for lack
of exercise. My stomach is wondering if my throat was slit. That’s obviously
the only logical explanation as to why I haven’t EATEN anything. Suddenly, I
want to rearrange all of the furniture. Delirium? Maybe. Still a good idea?
Yes. Clean, clean, clean. No rest. Around this time is when I realize that that’s
why I’m being so ridiculously thorough. If I stop moving, I’ll notice just how
hungry I am. If I stop, I’ll want to eat. If I stay busy, I’ll be distracted.
So Hanna and I move the couch, move the tv, move all of the things, and
rearrange the living room, the living room that literally has not been
rearranged in the 7 years I’ve lived there. Juicing makes you more productive?
"Today, breakfast is sad." This is SO. TRUE. But we can do it!
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