Day one continued...
But is productivity worth it? Is it worth the grumbling tummy? The not-quite-in-focus eyesight? The ache that dances just outside your head? At this point, I'm starting to have my doubts. But I'm totally owning this cleaning thing. Things that haven't been cleaned for 5+ years are getting a scrub down! This, this is nice. I like a clean place. I've noticed that I feel better mentally and emotionally when I come home and the place is clean. It doesn't have to be tidy, but...clean. So yea, fine, I begrudgingly admit that it miigghhht be worth it. Sshhh, don't tell anyone.
While moving the furniture, I've downed "lunch," something called Purify, made up of carrot, apple, celery, cucumber, red beet, and lemon. But at this point, it's not enough. I need more. Football has been playing in the background for most of the day, and my team is now playing. I give in. I open up an avocado. I'm weak. I bathe it in lemon. This is going to be so delicious. I sprinkle salt and pepper on it. Seriously, so weak. And I sit. And I swear, it's the creamiest, most flavorful avocado I've ever had. I scrape it clean. If I could eat the skin, I would. *sigh
I move on, trying to forget about the feeling of food in my mouth, because I know that I cheated. I know that I shouldn't have. So, more cleaning!
(I've noticed that my short term memory has been greatly affected by this as I can't remember when I decided to have any of the other "meals," but I can say that I liked the next one. Fiji is a mixture of apple, celery, cucumber, kale, collard greens, lemon, ginger, and spinach. I love ginger and lemon, so this one... *thumbs up. Dinner was Green Supreme and only contains apple, kale, and lemon... not a bad taste, but not satisfying in the least. Somewhere in there, I cleaned more things. At some point, I also had maybe a teaspoon of Chia seeds, hoping they'd fill all the gaps in my stomach.)
Hanna left for her massage while I was having "dinner"... I think. And what's great is that when I'm home alone, I have a tendency not to eat anyway. For the first time on day one, I'm not hungry! It's awful because it doesn't make sense, but it's so nice not to be hungry.
I start in on "dessert" shortly after she comes back. I was looking forward to this one. I thought that it would be a little...thicker. Oh, how short it fell from my expectations! This isn't to say that it doesn't taste good; this is just to say that I wish it were decidedly more concentrated. It's called Vanilla Cloud...which is fitting...because clouds are made of water, and that's what this tasted like. Comprised of water, almond milk, honey, coconut meat (that's a lie), cinnamon, ground vanilla bean, and nutmeg, it has so much potential.
Alas, I need more. Another cheat. I pour more coconut milk into the drink, grab a teaspoon of honey, and some almond slivers. It could be so much worse. That little bit helps a great deal. Meanwhile, I also finish several really easy craft-y projects, simple things liking gluing paper into a book. Simple, because my mind has lost its ability to function at a higher level.
It's night now and it's time for a new tactic. Sleeping so as not to think about food. I am kind of afraid to try to sleep. I am afraid I'll dream of food. I go into my room and ....clean a little... I can't seem to stop. But seriously, the progress is amazing. I fill out my daily journal. I pray. I read the Bible. I'm proud that I made it through day one. It wasn't pretty, but it's done (and really, really productive). And I close my eyes, hoping that tomorrow is better.
It could be so much worse! That food was hardly anything - it's super negligible.
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